We all have our share of things that happen in our lives, that are hard to explain or reason as to why they happen.
We have set-backs on the home front or at work, families split and go their separate ways, children leave home, we loose older members of our families and we can understand the reasons for that loss but when it comes to the loss of younger members of our families we tend to think in a different way. They should not part this life before we go and meet our maker, our children should out live us, it is not right that they go before they have experienced their dreams of what they want out of life.
In my case I have had to live with the loss of three of my children, two in tragic circumstances and one understandable.
The loss of my son Baden to suicide at the age of 31 was an event that even after 7 years I fail to understand the reason why he had to take his own life when there was a family around him that loved and was willing to help with the baggage that he felt he had to carry around with him on his own shoulders.
We could have helped but were not given the chance to understand the reasons why he did not wish to live and that is the reason why we as parents get so upset and pissed off when suicide happens to a family member.
I wrote this poem for Baden’s funeral and I feel it has a message for the young men and women out there who have a problem that they feel they have to carry alone. There is always help around you just need to ask.
ODE TO BADEN
Kevin L Fairbrother
Baden, Baden our best Mate
What gave you the right to decide your fate
You left this life much the same as you lived it
With guts, determination and strength
and gambled that you could win
Baden, you left us out and pissed us off
You made us mad and very sad and all so sorry
So sorry that you felt the need to exclude us
From all the troubles that you felt
Because Baden, we could have helped
Like a true gambler who gives nothing away
You broke even on this day
The baggage you carried and would not unload
So the troubled waters just flowed and flowed
The waters still now, the baggage all gone
Leaves us the question, did we do wrong
You have paid the price, there is no return
The best we can do for you now
Is reach the place you so desired
Pictures and memories is all we know have
We feel cheated that your smile we will never see
And all those happy times just memories
We hope you are happy where-ever you may-be
We will have a drink or two and reminisce of life with you
And contemplate our lives without you
Max your dog he howls, he misses you
And all your family shed tears and grieve
The bush is silent the trees are safe
The axe and chainsaw there silent to
The wood pile will slowly dwindle
And the fire die just like you
Aka-Daka will see you off as you ride on
Ride on forever Bade as we will miss you heaps
With love and best wishes go you now
Rest in peace and sleep for-ever
I would like to think that the words above may help a troubled young man or women think about what they are contemplating as there is no return from death.
Our lives revolve around our heart and each and everyone of us only has a certain number of heart beats and anything that exasperates the stress on our major organ will reduce that number of beats.
The loss of my son Darren through natural causes is a story of love and devotion by all of the family.
Darren was born with Downs Syndrome and lived a life that was filled with his love for others, a life that we could not fully understand because we as a family only experienced what we would see on the outside, never really getting the full understanding of what was going on in Darren’s mind and body.
It is a sad but beautiful story that I will write in coming days.